reality's tml.
no more dreaming.

i wish i could still hold on the last moments.
it'd just burst like a bubble
and snap back to real life.

tommorrow.


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im so so bad.
i forced my bf's friend to wake up at 6.25 tml when he actually work until 3am today.
i think.

there wasnt a choice for us. really.
at least tt's what im telling myself.
only for tml. aft tt no more.
pls. accommodate & bear with me for a while.
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nothing's been new this wk.
my life really aint like a movie.
cant expect any twist alright.

and e very bad bad day is coming tuesday.
i guess i'll be crying my eyeballs out.
but maybe not. u know, crying is contagious.

friday was rushing to work aft seeing darling.
rush and run.
haven done running for a long long time.
feels jus like my 2.4 even thou im running for only 5mins.
hot and panting. and i did sweat okay.

was watching dvds jus now.
and a couple was quarreling abt hw the husband didnt do anything for her.
and im so so afraid tt i'll be saying those stuffs to darling.
i hope i wun. really.
but sometimes when anger gets the better of u.......
it'll really hurt him alot alot.

and my ds.
haven found any games to play lately.
feeling so sick and tired of playin pokemon.
really feel slpy when i hear the pokemon game sound.
lols. jus like a lullaby.

and no more shopping for this wkend until sept.
i've been drained of my pay already.
i should really really start saving u know.
really.

and i've decided not to start sch until jan.
and i'll begin my journey to ACCA.
den find one of e big four to work in. hopefully.
and burning e midnight oil for 3yrs to get the experience.
den poof. everything will not be so rush aft tt.
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one of my best colleague is gettin married on oct.
and im feeling sweet and happy for him.
its jus so blissful to get married.
and i kept repeating to him omg its so swt i wanna get married too.

its really fate to have 2 ppl meeting, being together and having kids.
and hw sweet and happy it is to have someone really called ur own.
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yay!

i passed my CAT.
which means i've already got somewhat equivalent to dip in accounts!
suppose to be so so happy.
but work's dragged me down.
and without darling ard, i dun even feel happy.

some misunderstanding btw e head office and me.
which made my office login account frozen.
sucks.
even thou whole of e office knows its nt my fault.
but dey didnt wanted an explanation.
dey jus freeze my goddamn account.
which made me sound like i made some bloody goddamn serious mistake.

the whole incident started like this.
im suppose to key in the material no. frm a list other ppl gave me.
the list includes the item no. and the description.
i'll jus have to key in the item no. and other stuffs.

i was keying in the data as normal.
when suddenli i reaslised the description wasnt the same as wad was on e paper.
short of an '8' at the front.
i tot maybe i accidently erased it off or wad.
so i get back to the lady who gave me the paper.
she said should be have a '8' in front one.
so at tt time i tot maybe i really accidenly erased it.
so i tried to put e 8 back and click save.
but the program doesnt allow me to change.
it jus said " the material remains unchanged"

so it was then tt i realise that i couldnt have accidently changed the description!

so i tell my sup abt it and she say she'll ask the head office wad to do abt it.
cus she also have no idea if we should change it or not.
she sent an email enquiring abt tt.

den came e horrible reply.
it was smth like
" i found out tt it was modified today"
" why does this unauthorised person have access to change the material description."
" why wasnt e material description under protection frm changes."

for godness sake. i didnt even changed the material!
it doesnt even allows me to change!
i didnt change ur stuffs u bloody fcuker.
and den came the most severe sentence of all.
" pls freeze this person's account asap"
(&(*&@*#@^&*$$


absolutely rubbish.
u didnt even wanted to hear explanations.
jus straight away pass a death penatly for me.
im jus jus too angry to elaborate.


anw congrats on my passing.
darling wil be happy to hear tt.
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im so lazy to pluck my brows!
i should stop being a woman. lols.

and e national day rally rob my tv shows away.
and sunday night was real damn boring. rt?
everyone hates national day rally.
so y are all 3 prime channels broadcasting it?

have already prepared my clothes for tml.
jus feeling lil wee bored.
and wish tt darling's place is jus beside my hse.
den i can get to see him everyday before i go to work.
e thoughts of travel far far dere and far far back... well.
jus for tt 20mins. lols.

darling ars darling. y did u do such a foolish thing.
but its gd. at least u woke up.
no more like last time.
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lotsa stuffs running thru my head.
and im suspecting darling.
i know i shouldnt be feeling this way.
but y. y did someone says he saw him at pp?
and it was on monday. i wasnt with him. i was working.
y didnt i know.
whys...

and it hurts to be suspecting and cant reassure myself.
i cant clarify it with him.
its like a knife stab right into ur heart but u cant take it out.

i miss him alot. really.
and went thru his fwenster.
to see so many ppl wishing him a happy bdae.
darling would be super happy to hear tt.



gosh, every wkends seems so emo.
i should stop enjoying wkends.
god, take away my wkends will ya.
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im happy today!
prolly 2 reasons.

1. tgif
2. rvd darling's letter.

and tt made me really happy.
to see what he's written dere.
even thou his eng stil sucks alot.
but tt's somehow wad i love abt him.


all e confidence i've lost since we've been apart
all e confidence i've lost by ppl's wagging tongue.
it all came back aft a letter.
tt's how amazing love is.


and my co. ISO consultant told me smth interesting.
my colleague, e 28 yrs old one.
we were joking abt hw gay he was.
&& to some extent somehow true.
and tt kept me laughin and didnt talk to him for 2 days.
lmao.
and im so ji chou. i'll always rem he didnt help mi take my biscuit.
tt's wad happen when u're being ungentlemanly to me.

gonna miss darling for e coming days.
i doesnt have so much courage to tell my sup that i need to take more 10am's


and suddenly, its e raining season now.
yyy. is it s'pose to be like this?
i asked my older fwens if e world is really changing for e worst.
comparing last time and now.
it is.
is it?
is e world really gonna crash in few thousand yrs time.
or even hundred yrs time?
den what abt those who call me great grandma.
wer will dey live?
will dey really migrate to mars? or i-duno-which planet.


and this past 2 days, i've been reaching hm at 7.
grt isnt it.
been leaving e office at 6.10 sharp.
reach busstop at 6.20. which e bus will come.
and poof...
home at 7.
tt's gd tt's gd. i love it.


and time to feed my wardrobe tml.
been looking forward to it this whole wk.
shopping is e only way to keep girls working, isnt it?
not to mention those who has rich bf or similiar stuffs to support them
but i work sweat and blood, not literally, for my cnts.
and im proud of it.
keep going, ty!

but i've only less den 200 to spend tml.
sucky isnt it. when u've a budget for spending.
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muahahhahahha.

saw darling today. lol.
talk alot! den time pass so fast.
but darling seems happy dere u know.
looks like he's alot of fwens.
ranging frm shurong's fwen to loansharks. -.-

and im cash-drained lately.
darling's stuffs and his family has an impact on my financial health!
and im sucked DRY.
but stil some reserved cash for shopping thou.
=X

yea and shopping on sat too.
shurong promised!



and my conscious struck me.
was i really bad abt e comments on my colleague.
ok look here!!!! yoohooo
im sorry for being so frank.
but tt's how i felt.
but i bet 99% he doesnt read my blog.
i did tried to access my blog on his com abt 1mth ago.
and cus of e company filtering, access denied.
and bet he doesnt remember e link.
so im 99% safe.
but jus to make space for e 1%




and work.
lotsa stuffs keeping me busy.
yea grt.
im happy like this.
DONT let me have nothing to do
DONT ask mi out to drink for e moment
DONT ask mi out for movies ( yong take note ars )
DO ask mi out for shopping.

and darling got a lil angry when i told him hw much i bought e shoes for.
well. at least that's one thing tt doesnt change.
i miss e way we quarrel over how i shop. gees.




and i did a lil thinking.
abt hw darling changed my life. forever more.
since i met him the first day.
everything seem so predestined.
and i know lotsa ppl, esp mummy will sae no future no future.
but its ok.
one life. live it. jus like hw e m1 says. lol.

which means i can only be someone common.
a family nxt time which will only have a common financial health.
im prepared.

have to keep my rich dreams to my nxt life.
this is call sacrifices OKAY.
and rem e quote frm e storybk - when u sacrifice something precious, you're not really losing it.
yes. so im passing it to....
i duno. my nxt life? lols.
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mummy scolded me.
god bless me with a bigger wardrobe
give me one with 5 doors?
my 3 doors is totally nt enuf!
and yet i simply have no clothes to last me for 2wks.

i should clear my wardrobe soon.

gonna rain soon.
and raining means darling will miss me more.
and im not gonna see darling tml.
which makes me sad sad sad.
but hang on until tues. i'll be coming!!


oh yes. and e ndp.
i jus caught it on tv for e replay.
and im stupid. i dun understand e water earth fire sky shit thing.
im jus impressed by e boats. lol.
and e replay was FULL OF COMMERCIALS.


and like finally. i'd like to talk abt my colleague.
the one who acted. funny? childish?

on my 2nd or 3rd day.
he told mi he drive. and he lived sk too.
so i could hitch a ride back hm.
but i was to keep it a secret.

but y a secret? we wasnt doing anything shameful.
we were living at e same area!!
i questioned him.
he said ppl would spread rumors or wad.

den i and his fwen, who smoke, will always go out and smoke together.
den one day, he made fun of me by saying : aye, YOUR xxx cry lehs.
wad u mean by YOUR.
den i told him : because we have ppl like u on earth, tts y men and women cant be fwens.
den aft tt he didnt make fun of me and his fwen anymore. *victory!!*

soon aft tt, he told me he could ferry me to work too.
and we decide to meet at e punggol park busstop in e morning.
but i realise tt. he was avoiding to be seen with me!!
like giving excuses that he's going to buy breakfast, ask me to go ahead first.
or its late already. i let u go down here.

and he lived at compass dere.
and i lived jus a road down.
whereas if he had to go to e punggol park busstop, it was a big detour.
so i told him jus go my hse dere and fetch me can already.
easier for us both. he reFUSED.
i think. he doesnt wan ppl to think that he fetched me frm my hse.

so like finally, i told him.
forget it la. i can go work myself. since someone is so unwilling.
and gives so many excuses to avoid being seen with me.

and aft work, i would ask him if he'll be going hm early or late.
so i can take his car back. and be home at 7. instead of 7.30..

and even if he's going hm early, i need to wait for him until 6.30!!
when i finish work at 6!!
den comes one day.
i need to work until 6.30.
but he finished his work at 6! and i told him to wait for me.
and asked him to help mi take some envelopes.
ARGH. he simply refused to take envelopes for me!!
i tot he was joking but NO. petty guy.
and he couldnt wait for him.
he went downstairs and took his car. without me knowing.
den i called him when i finish my stuffs at 6.30
he said he went to take his car.
and meet mi downstairs now. if he didnt see me den he'll go off.
cant he wait for me to finish den walk together?? he doesnt want to be seen!!!

den the latest.
jus thurs or wed.
my hand was holding a box of biscuits.
and e other was holding a packet drink.
i told him to take the biscuit for mi. cus i wan to smoke.
and he refused again.
what's wrong man. what is wrong!
v hard mehs. he jus replied.
aiya. ur biscuit so light only. take urself la.

omg! no wonder he cant find a gerfwen even thou he isnt v ugly and is rich.
he's already 28 and unattached!
ok i shall stop mocking at him. if qiang ditch mi i might be single at 28 too. =X
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been reading thru my previous post when darling was stil with me
it sounded great.
but also sounded impossible now.

i have only published my previous anger post like mins ago
and im feeling much much better now.
gees

bad bad sore throat.
pi pa gao! here i come!!



and im reading a storybk now.
"the five ppl u meet in heaven"
yea its great. lotsa nice sentences to quote frm dere.
but i jus dun have e time to point out one by one.
BUT
it makes mi feel.. life is just a life.
i mean.. get wad i mean?
life is nothing but a life. unless u know why u do the things u do when u're alive.
which when u know it, usually its already too late.

and im playin pokemon diamond now.
but til now i stil dun understand wads e diff btw diamond, ruby, sapphire...
jus e same pokemon to me.

and i cant decide on my priority.
pokemon first or storybks first?
im too busy for recreation activities.
except.
shopping
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im in a so bad mood today
that i didnt had appetite for lunch.
and ate only 2egg tarts

im in a so bad mood today
that i was quiet at work

im in a so bad mood today
and my mouse had to oppose me

im in a so bad mood today
that a cockroach had to irritate me at mrt

im in a so bad mood today
that e radio sounded provoking. disturbing

im in a so bad mood today
that i couldnt care less for anything else
shutting myself out for this few hrs before i wake and work again

im in a so bad mood today
that i really miss him alot.

im in a so bad mood today
partially due to sore throat

im in a so bad mood today
that i shouted at my mum. for shouting at me
apparently, we had a shouting anger-filled conversation

tt was how bad




but e thoughts of seeing him just today
makes my heart warm somehow
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was waiting for bus 62 5mins before 7pm.
was actually so happy tt i could have reached hm before e sun sets.
stupidly enough, i waited till 7.25 den my bus came.
and amazingly, four 62 came at e same time.
wads with e increment in bus fare and no improvement in bus service?

and to those who say they are going to speed up e waiting time to less den 10 mins.
dey are only FULLY implementing it on YEAR 2009.


taken half day on friday.
went to sub.
i tot he didnt see me. but he did. and i cried.
cus e lady keep blocking our view. and e time our eyes met was like only..
1min in total?

and at night a cockroach creep outside my rm
and it got caught. and sprayed by insecticide.
and all along i tot i wasnt afraid of them.
until it got spray and tried to fly away.
and i screamed. like as if i were e cockroach.


went kovan popular on sat.
bought 3 story books.
one of it was alice in wonderland.
i seriously couldnt rem the story.
and mummy's laughing at me for being childish.
but to make it clear, i didnt buy those with lotsa coloured pictures one la


mummy has gone to jb today.
and im left alone in e house this aftnn.
has been long since i was alone. couldnt get used to it.
but luckily i had my alice to accompany me.
and i've read half of e book already.
and alice is irritating. i hate her. period.
she's like. navie, rude. jus shootin her mind off whatever she tinks.
am i like this too, i wonder.

my colleagues mentioned to me tt im rude!
i was just playin with em alright.
and i didnt treat em like strangers. therefore i speak my mind.
tt aint called rude. straight fore


darling's birthday is coming.
and im jus so excited even thou there wun be any celebration.
and e excitement is stil there.
presents, birthday song. it will stil exist.



and again to all my fwens who cared.
all those who offered to meet me up and pei mi go shopping or drinking.
thanks. but i aint in e mood for tt.
except shopping of course.
but skip e drinking part babe.
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received a letter frm him.
loves.

been busy at work.
starting to get e hang of my job scope

and life has been treating me well.
not to mention abt e urge to eat ytd.
seriously i feel like im dying soon.
suddenly felt so hungry ytd.
tt i ate till everyone was amazed.

and i've got mosquito bites tt look lik blue-blacks

and i pant easily. and real easy.
walking frm e busstop to workplace makes mi breathe hard.

so, was eating alot ytd some kinda hint to me?
which in chinese, hui guang fan zhao.
and i duno how to translate it into eng.




half day work tml
been working less hrs tis few wks.
but worth ed.
to make us both feel better.

=)
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